Pulling Singles from Her Cleavage

Interviewing Vince Van Patten Saturday afternoon (must remember 3PM interview...). Email me or leave in comments if you have a question; best will get asked. I prefer not to do phone interviews as the logistics are more challenging (have to tape then transcribe the interview, so it takes significantly longer). I have several interviews out plus new one's I have to get done, so I'm going to try and focus on that some today.

Grubby has a slots post that is guaranteed to make your head hurt just trying to follow all the different slots and what the heck they are. I have a sweet spot for slots as one particular slot machine got me started to my road of poker excellence/bankroll crashing. I was in Vegas for a client, and I decided I was going to try this thing called gambling. I found Jackpot Party (the machine before the current Jackpot Party), where you would get a bonus deal if you hit three of the party blowie-things. Man, it was exciting to get the bonus, then you had to hit as many hidden multipliers as you wanted to before you found the bomb which capped your bonus. I won maybe $300 one time, and I was hooked on the Fruit Slots (there were fruit on the machine or something, so I'd make my employee Yong play the fruit machine with me). Jackpot Party begat blackjack, and blackjack led to poker (maybe with a roulette thrown in). Is there anything dumber than roulette? I'm not sure.

Sweated Linda in a $109 Turbo SNG on Party, where she took second while getting bad beat several times. Best was the Spaniard calling her all-in with KTo vs. her TT, then watching the board of 33x33. The ole counterfeit your pair with quads. What is the hiearchy of frustrating ways to lose? I'll give you an order, then you can change it how you like:

• Counterfeiting (pick any way you like)
  
• Identical hand that four flushes (normally AKo)
  
• Bluff that you pick off only to see the runner-runner two pair/trips
• Flopped flush losing to turned or rivered bigger flush or straight flush
  
• Dominated hand catching three outer (like AT vs. QT)
• Monster that gets called by bizarro hand only to luckbox (like AA called by Td9d and catching whatever)
• Gapped connectors giving someone the bigger straight
• The well played flopped set/straight taking you down
• The underpair calling your big slick
• The monster letting you do the betting for her/him (DQB flop)

I know there are more ways, but that's a depressing enough list just to look at.

Pauly's back from Bonnaroo, so head over to see what's what. IGGY's been shoving his groupies over here to see the Argosy trip report. You can tell because they leave Q-tips laying around everywhere for some reason. I'm still waiting for new photos of the poker room to write up an article, so I'll probably call them today.

Speaking of Q-tips, there are few things I enjoy than a good ear cleaning. Two quick ear stories. My mom had some Q-tip like thing that was maybe 200% bigger than Q-tips. An incredibly useful tool (they were for cosmetics, so maybe five times as expensive). Second, our family doctor growing up had this big metal syringe and a couple times flushed my ears out with warm saline water. Horribly disgusting to witness, but I could hear a pin drop from three miles for about a week afterwards. (NOTE: there was always a rumor that this physician was gay as he would always befriend boys and never married. He was very active in our church, and I worked for him for several years in his clinic. He'd also take me on rounds, and he was a major influence on my life. I violently defended him a couple times, only to learn after he'd married, had a child, and divorced that his wife came home one day and found him in bed with another man. This was in the early 80's when homosexuality wasn't really viewed too positively in Mississippi vs. now where homosexuals are simply ostracized in Mississippi.)

I was pre-med and got to do things that may be illegal (at least would have led to lawsuits probably). Once I sat in on a carotidectomy (not sure what it was really called) before I went to work one college summer (was a bank teller). The surgeon had never performed the operation, and I was scrubbed in standing over as he cut off the circulation to the brain, sliced the carotid artery (in the neck), slipped in a piece of IV tubing, took that one out and slipped in another one, then loosened the two little noose tourniquets (sic?) to start the circulation going again. All in 90 seconds. For the first time. From a journal he had read. With me standing there praying not to tip over and fall on the guy who's brain wasn't receiving oxygen. Sat in on a colonectomy of a huge lady, but after watching him cut through fat for an hour, I had to head off to the bank.

As a bank teller, I made it through four summers and Christmas holidays without being out of balance once (not a penny). There was one branch that had an island drive-through (vs. the tubes). I'd have to sit with a tie and short in 100 degree August days alone out there all day. Worst teller experience was when this large lady with humongous breasts came in one day at 1:00 or so, said she had a deposit for her savings account, then pulled a wad of one's from her sweaty cleavage. She said it was $37, I wrote her a receipt, pulled $40 from my wallet, put it in my cash drawer, pulled out three singles, then threw her $37 away. Best money I ever spent. Not sure how she got those singles, but believe me I don't want to know.

Head to PokerStage for John's Twenty Blogger Commandments--I skirted through thankfully!

Have a great day, and hope to see you tomorrow. Oh, and keep reading below for my big Hoyazo score last night where I almost looked like I could play poker.