Crash and Burn

The summary: -$1,950 on Sunday playing $15/30, $30/60, and NLHE $600 (bought in for $400). The $15/30 sessions were frustrating in that I overplayed hands to start while getting not much of anything, only to be beaten by other mediocre hands (A3 vs A2, KTo vs. A5 at first table), and it continued on second table (limped with 42 and flop came T22--villain had A2, AA cracked by QJo with Q on flop and turn, overplaying underpair on flop of JJ9, overplaying bb of Q9o 2nd pair when two-pair flopped). Tilt decision to move up to $30/60, although I got focused and played what I thought was solid mentality. Big slick taken out by 97o in bb, then a series of missteps overplaying nothing hands, feeling the pressure of the higher blinds ($15/30 blinds). Took a final $400 to NLHE $600, had doubled it up and was trying to do more, than made some bad loose plays and then lost most of my stack with AQo flopping an ace to a set of trey's. So, as much as I would like to think I can play solid, this was a major step backwards in more ways than one.

Top observations:

• Moving up on tilt. This is a gambling play rather than a solid strategy, and it has now bitten me twice for $1,600 in losses. I haven't prepared for $30/60, yet decided I would give it a go after becoming frustrated with poor results.
• Lack of discipline. This comes in two forms: poor decision making when your good cards get spanked, and loosening up when you become card-dead. Running 6/14 with AA in November is extremely frustrating and indicative of other results (2/6 with AKs, 1/7 with AQs), and you have to make the right decisions when required. Loosening up starting requirements when running light on cards is easy to do, especially as you're watching others win that way. I thought I was beyond that, but I regressed Sunday.
• Overplaying hands. It is easy to run with 99 on a raised flop of Q73. The logic I go through is, "Well, he probably missed with AK or some other strong ace," only to see AQs when he shows his cards. Overplaying pocket pairs is a very common way of losing pots. Again, a leak which came back as I was struggling, something I know better.
• Getting on tilt for deciding not to call pre-flop. This may be one of my most common things, to freak out when I fold and then hit a monster. It happened twice yesterday when I folded 22 in middle position to a raise, only to see the deuce hit on the flop. I'll get more upset most of the time than I will for folding on a flop with overcards only to see me hit on the turn.
  
• Bad donkified luck. My last $30/60 hand had a raiser cap me and one other caller for $120 pre-flop when I had QQ. The board flopped 944, and the capper flipped 74s at the end, taking down a monster flop (and my triple-up opportunity) with 74s.
  

This brings me into dangerous territory, having run my online bankroll from $3800 three weeks ago to $400. My goal for November of being up for the month looks like a pipe dream now, as I will need to run my $400 up almost 10x. I don't want to jump back in as I need to drop back down to $5/10 or lower to build back up, and I don't want to get sucked into the vortex. I will need to be very focused when I jump back in, and I don't want to rush it. Obviously, very disappointing. Some of this was also caused by being a Closet Poker Player, as I got very distracted trying to play while multitasking with the kids. I will probably need to come out of the Closet more formally, set guidelines similar to what other bloggers have discussed. I'll be travelling extensively over the next ten weeks also, which could be dangerous for me online (late nights with heavy travel). But to sum it up, just very disappointing in both the result but more importantly the decisions that got me there, particularly the choice of moving back to $30/60.