18 September 2009

Stress v Anxiety

If anyone has ever happened upon my blog, what you do know is that I always try and put myself out there, for better or worse. Let me stay true to that.

With apologies to our Fed Reserve chief, we're at or near the bottom of a pretty rotten economic climate. It's been bad since Q3 of 2008, and I don't expect it to get a much better for the US as a whole until Q1 2011. My logic is fairly simple: Fiscal 2011 budgets are being made now, and executives will remain conservative regarding headcount and budgets. Also, the policy curbs that company's have put in place regarding expenses and spending won't be lifted any time soon.

One of my strengths is to always see the glass as three-quarters full rather than half empty. It's gotten me through tough times when I was employed at large company's, and it's helped us weather big storms (including post-9/11, when no one wanted to talk to anyone about consulting for quite a long time).

This economic collapse, however, left me with my shorts at my ankles.

I blindly stumbled into a client that has kept me extremely busy since December. It has been a very good thing as we've had very strong billings since. But it also brought to light a big gap between my wife and me. This gap is kind of complicated, but let me explain it.

My wife I'm pretty sure is smarter than I am, and I like to think I'm very smart (she has a BS in Chemistry as well as a BS in Chemical Engineering). Once we had our boys, she decided she wanted to stay home with them. And she is a great mother who is a big help to the boys and to me. She does the finances for our company, helps with the new soccer club (now in its third season), as well as takes care of everything.

I've dutifully been the breadwinner who shields her from most stuff. She patiently let me go through my three years of being engrossed poker, both playing and blogging/writing about it. She then let me move onto starting the soccer club. As Summer approached, she was on to planning for the logistics of taking the boys here and there, etc. I started feeling more and more alone, and became resentful I think for the first time in our marriage.

It was a very difficult series of weeks. I was five hours away most of the time, and I was struggling with our relationship for the first time since we were married eighteen years ago. The few folks I confided in laughed that "...it took you this long..." For me, I became very concerned. I didn't want for us to transition into a new type of marriage, a new phase of our relationship.

I think that we've made it through the end of this tunnel. I know she understands where I am now and the risks there. We had a great meeting with our accountant (I've never really done that), and he actually helped frame what I'm going through. I've had my company for eleven years, and I'm basically still self-employed rather than having built a company.

We also had some tough discussions about my faith and our church. I don't feel connected there, and she has been very involved in a Discipleship group as well as in the Children's ministry. I think she went through a period of time where she felt I was broken and needed to be fixed. I definitely feel that I am broken, but I don't think there is one-size-fits-all way to cure me. Sara Groves says it like this in one of her songs, "I am just a seeker too, in search of God."

So anyways, as this big project comes to a close, the anxiety starts anew for me. It is a different class now, how do I capitalize on this, can I build a company that can sustain us? I seem to have talents and can do great things. Can I exploit these?

And can I find happiness and fulfillment through what I do for a living? That seems to be one of the macro-conclusions from my four years of poker and soccer, that I can't find fulfillment through my work and consequently dive into other things.

I don't know the answers. I'm hoping to post at the other blogs that I spent alot of money designing, but this will be our secret place if that's OK.

11 Comments:

Blogger Pseudo_Doctor said...

interesting post bud. Its a been a while since u've had one of these. Gl with everything

6:50 PM  
Blogger Fuel55 said...

... OK

2:51 PM  
Blogger dominik said...

Hey There!
I have 2 pokerblogs, one german, one english,
thepokerdonk.com & suckbet.com! Would you like to exchange links?
href=http://www.suckbet.com/ title=pokerblog
href=http://www.thepokerdonk.com/ title= best poker bonuses

if you want to exchange, put my links up and send me your url/anchor
text to my email

Thanks in advance =)
Dominiks

8:30 AM  
Blogger dgdgdf said...

http://www.bootboots.com
http://www.salelouboutin.com
http://www.buylouboutin.com
http://www.bestlouisvuitton.com
http://www.sale-mbt.com
http://www.discount-christianlouboutin.com
Velours Scrunch Boots Miss Clichy 140 boots Robot 120 ankle boots Black Suede/ Leather Lace Up Ankle boots Tina Suede Black Platform Boots Circus Cutout Suede Ankle Boots Deva 120 suede fringed Boots Sigourney Metallc Ankle Boots Miss Dark Brown Miss Suede Black Arielle A Talon ankle Boots Ariella Clou Silver Studded Boots Alta Arielle A Talon Python Short Boots Robot 120 ankle boots Gold babel shoe boots Brown Trottinette 140 ankle boots Brown Trottinette 140 ankle boots Mouse suede Forever Tina boots Purple fringed suede C'est Moi boots Black

4:42 AM  
Blogger dgdgdf said...

C'est Moi boots Pink Charme 100 suede ankle boots Leopard suede boots Christian Louboutin Tuba Tall Boot Fifre Suede Ankle Boot black lace ankle boots Black Lace-Up Boots black fold-over boots black leather knee-high boots peep-toe bootie Christian Louboutin Astraqueen shoe boots platform lace-up bootie Christian Louboutin Suede Black Ankle boots supra fifre 120 thigh-high boots Christian Louboutin Alta Ariella Talon Leopard Boots Christian Louboutin OTK PlatformAfrica grey suede Boot Christian Louboutin Alta Ariella Talon Leopard Ankle Boots Christian Louboutin black leather ankle boots Christian Louboutin dark red leather ankle boots Manolo Blahnik Something Blue Satin Pump Manolo Blahnik Something Black Satin Pump Black patent leather sandals

4:43 AM  
Blogger dgdgdf said...

Black patent leather sandals
Black sandals with Phnom Penh
Dark blue satin pumps
Jimmy Choo Black leather sandals
Jimmy Choo Black patent leather pumps

Jimmy Choo Black patent leather sandals
Jimmy Choo Gold Pumps
Jimmy Choo Pierced black leather sandals
Jimmy Choo Platform Purple Sandals
Jimmy Choo Platform Sandal

Jimmy Choo Platform Thirsty Blue Sandals
Jimmy Choo Platform Yellow Sandals
Jimmy Choo Satin Sandal
Jimmy Choo Snake Sandals
Jimmy Choo White leather Sandals

4:43 AM  
Blogger dgdgdf said...

Silver patent leather high-heeled sandals
cow leather pump with stone emboss light purple cracking leather sandal purple patent leather shoes with black heel Yves Saint Laurent White Pumps Yves Saint Laurent Ankle Strap Sandal Yves Saint Laurent black patent leather Yves Saint Laurent black sheep leather pump Yves Saint Laurent bright grey patent leather Yves Saint Laurent Cage Platform Sandal Yves Saint Laurent grey leopord suede Yves Saint Laurent Grey suede Yves Saint Laurent light gold cracking leather sandal Yves Saint Laurent light red suede pump Yves Saint Laurent red patent leather sandal Yves Saint Laurent red suede

4:43 AM  
Blogger Rakeback Power said...

Sounds like you're in a deep place right now and you've been through a bit. Things will pick up. Stick it out.

Adam - The Daily Donk
http://www.rakebackpower.com
http://rakebackpower.blogspot.com

1:14 AM  
Blogger dfadf said...

That Leopard Gecko reminds me of Mr. Burns. It can stay. Obama Is Lying<1>
When was the last time the MSM took a Republican's side in a fight over credibility with a Democratic opponent?Microsoft OfficeOffice 2010Well, it has been a while.Microsoft Office 2010However, conservatives have little to grumble about in the recent Office 2007face-off between Barack Obama and John McCain over McCain's statement thatte vi bailar bajo la lluvia
esperando la luna llena
Volverás a reírte de veras
Microsoft Office 2007troops might have to remain for "100 years" in Iraq "as long as Americans are not being injured or harmed or wounded or killed" afterOffice 2010 keyfighting had concluded, Office 2010 downloadMost recently, ABC's Jake Tapper noted that at least on three occasions Obama had personally said that McCain favored cuando creas que estaba perdidovolverás a reírte de veras
continued fighting in Office 2010 ProfessionalIraq for 100 years. Tapper concluded that "Obama has in the past distorted McCain's comments" and "that he is violating his own stated si te quedas conmigoTe vi bailar bajo la lluviaesperando la luna llente vi llorar bajo la lunMicrosoft outlookaspirations...[b]ecause not only has he distorted what McCain said, he is not being honest about having made those distortions."Outlook 2010Tapper is not the only MSM reporter to point this out, Windows 7of course. It is not every day that the RNC sends around e-mail blasts quoting Frank Microsoft outlook 2010Rich ("Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton should be ashamed of themselves for libeling John McCain") and reports from the Chicago Tribune,

10:47 PM  
Blogger 2010 Wedding Dresses said...

thanks for your sharing! great helpful!!!Thank you
Louboutin Shoes 
Christian Louboutin Shoes
Christian Louboutin Pumps 
louboutin
Christian Louboutin Boots 
Christian Louboutin Pumps
Christian Louboutin Heels 
Christian Louboutin Sandal
Pigalle Christian Louboutin 
christian louboutin studded bow
halter neck wedding dresses
louboutin pink bow studded heels
christian louboutin fur boots
loubitan studded bow peep
christian louboutin studded bow peep-toes
christian louboutin studded heels with bow
christian louboutin white shoes with bow
Wedding Dress Shops
vintage wedding dresses 
wedding dresses
cheap mobile phone
Wedding Dress Shops
Wedding Dresses 2011
Wedding Dress Shops
Off the Shoulder Wedding Dresses
bridal jackets
wedding jackets for the bride
loubitan studded bow peep
bridal jackets
wedding jackets for the bride
halter neck wedding dresses

1:46 AM  
Blogger Sizzling Hot Online said...

Nice observations, i recommend Poker Free Bankrolls webiste click

6:14 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

FREE counter and Web statistics from sitetracker.com